"
MISTRESS (to newly installed cook)--"Matthews! What does this mean?
How did this policeman get here?"
COOK (equal to the occasion)--"Dunno, mum. 'E must 'ave bin left over
by the last cook."
"I hope you are habitually truthful, Norah."
"I am on me own account, mum. I only tells lies to the callers for the
family."
"A great many of the neighbors have called to see us since we moved
out here," said Mr. Crosslots.
"They didn't call to see us," replied his wife. "The report has gone
out that we have a good cook and they are trying to get acquainted
with her."
Mrs. Smith hired a Chinese servant, and tried to teach him how to
receive calling-cards. She let herself out the front door, and when
the new servant answered her ring she gave him her card.
The next day two ladies came to visit Mrs. Smith. When they presented
their cards, the alert Chinaman hastily compared them with Mrs.
Smith's card, and remarked as he closed the door:
"Tickets no good; you can't come in."
MISTRESS--"I shall be very lonely, Bridget, if you leave me."
BRIDGET--"Don't worry, mum. I'll not go until ye have a houseful of
company."
Mrs. Wilson wanted to get Mrs. Johnson's cook away from her so badly
that she actually went to Mrs.
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