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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

Finally, putting
on her things, she went out, and she hadn't gone far when she met a
neat-looking colored woman. She explained her dilemma and the colored
woman listened in silence, then she said: "Where do yo' live, missus?"
Seeing a ray of hope joyfully, Mrs. X. gave her address, to be met
with this reply:
"Well, yo 'jess go home an' look in yo' glass an' yo'll see yo' cook."

MISTRESS--"I want a maid who will be faithful and not a time-waster.
Can you promise that?"
BRIDGET--"Indeed'n I can. I'm that scrup'lous, ma'am, about wastin'
time that I make one job of prayin' and scrubbin'."

"Do you keep any servants?"
"No, of course, not."
"But I thought I saw one in your kitchen?"
"Oh, we have servants on the premises a day or two at a time; but we
don't keep them."

FIRST MAID (bragging about a party given the day before by her
mistress)--"And they all came in limousines, and had on the grandest
clothes, and wore the biggest diamonds."
NEIGHBOR'S MAID--"And what did they talk about?"
FIRST MAID--"Us."

"I'm afraid I'll never be able to teach you anything, Maggie," was
the despairing utterance of a Trenton woman to a new Irish domestic.
"Don't you know that you should always hand me notes and cards on a
salver?"
"Sure, mum, I knew," answered Maggie, "but I didn't know you did.


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