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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
Upon which the customer coolly put his hand on the remaining four, and
exclaimed:
"I'll t--t--take th--th--th--these!"


SIGHT SEEING

The motor-bus stopped, and the conductor looked earnestly up the
steps, but no one descended, and at last he stalked up impatiently.
"'Ere, you," he said to a man on top, "don't you want Westminster
Abbey?"
"Yes," was the reply.
"Well," retorted the conductor, "come down for it. I can't bring it on
the bus for you."


SIGNS

Eva S----, twenty-four years old, a maid employed in Jersey City,
was locked up last night in the West Thirtieth Street Police Station,
charged with grand larceny. She is alleged to have stolen $160 worth
of articles from a Sixth Avenue department-store.
The explanation she gave was that she saw a sign in the store which
read: "Customers, please take small packages home."

"Why do you have an apple as your trade-mark?" asked a client of the
cash tailor.
"Well, well," replied the man, rubbing his hands, "if it hadn't been
for an apple where would the clothing business be today?"

In a large park in one of the Eastern cities there are seats about the
bandstand with this notice posted on them:
"The seats in the vicinity of the bandstand are for the use of ladies.


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