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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


Gentlemen should make use of them only after the former are seated."

A farmer hitched his team to a telephone-pole.
"Here," exclaimed a policeman, "you can't hitch there!"
"Can't hitch!" shouted the irate farmer, "Well, why does the sign say,
'Fine for Hitching'?'"

You have heard perhaps, of the Englishman in the South Station,
Boston, who read over a door "Inside Baggage," and chuckled with glee:
"You Americans are so droll! Now we should say 'Refreshment Room.'"

Somebody ought to call attention to the public-library sign, "Only low
talk is permitted here."

The small boy's parents had distinct ideas of discipline. The walls of
the sitting-room were lined with tracts, and the cane was always kept
behind "Love one another."
One day everything went wrong, and the little boy was whipped eight
times.
After the eighth caning he said, between his sobs, "D-d-don't you
think it's t-time to take the cane from behind 'L-love one another'
and put it behind 'I n-n-need Thee every hour'?"

Little Jane had long desired a baby sister, and one day she came
rushing home in high excitement.
"Oh, mother; come downtown quickly!" she exclaimed. "There are
splendid bargains in babies and you can get one while they are cheap.


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