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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
"What in the world are you talking about, my dear?" the mother asked
in astonishment. "Somebody must have been playing a joke on you."
"Truly, truly!" the little girl declared, jumping up and down in her
eagerness. "Great big sign about it, on the top of the skating rink.
It says, 'This week only, children half price.'"

In Davenport: "We've given a service to our patrons that compels them
to think of Crooks when there's any laundry work to be done." On a
parsonage door in Trinidad, Colo.: "The last man who tried to work
me is in jail." On a tombstone in Batavia: "If we must part let us go
together." On State Street: "Open all night. Latest moving pictures."
In a Morton Park dance-hall: "Use checkroom. Absolutely no clothes
allowed in this room." (Attention of Mayor Harrison.) On Franklin
Street: "Reign Umbrella Co." In the Spencer Hotel, Marion, Ind.:
"Discourteous treatment, by the waiters, if reported to the
proprietor, will be greatly appreciated."

Out in New Mexico even public signs come direct to the point. They do
not waste any time in wondering how the reader will feel about it.
In a garage at Albuquerque is posted:
"Don't smoke round the tank! If your life isn't worth anything,
gasoline is!"

Another home problem is solved by a firm of cleaners in Grinnell,
Iowa, which advertises: "Notice--ladies--why worry about your dirty
kids when we clean them for fifteen cents?"

"Our readers," says the Boston Transcript, "often go into movie
theaters to laugh, but did you ever realize that you can get many a
good laugh by reading the funny wording of some of the signs out in
front and in the lobby? We have noticed how audiences enjoy these
funny signs which have been shown on the screen in The Literary
Digest 'Topics of the Day.


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