At school he won a smokership,
At Harvard College (Cambridge, Mass.)
His name was soon on every lip,
They made him "smoker" of his class.
Who will forget his smoking bout
With Mount Vesuvius--our cheers--
When Mount Vesuvius went out
And didn't smoke again for years?
The news was flashed to England's King,
Who begged Mark Twain to come and stay,
Offered his dukedoms--anything
To smoke the London fog away.
But Mark was firm. "I bow," said he,
"To no imperial command,
No ducal coronet for me,
My smoke is for my native land!"
For Mark there waits a brighter crown!
When Peter comes his card to read--
He'll take the sign "No smoking" down,
Then Heaven will be Heaven indeed.
--_Oliver Herford_.
SNOBBERY
A well-known society performer volunteered to entertain a roomful
of patients of the Colney Hatch Lunatic Asylum, and made up a very
successful little monologue show, entirely humorous. The audience
in the main gave symptoms of being slightly bored, but one highly
intelligent maniac saw the whole thing in the proper light, and,
clapping the talented actor on the shoulder, said: "Glad you've come
old fellow.
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