He
paused meditatively for a moment, then said:
"Father, I guess I was wrong. It wasn't a mouse teacher was telling us
about. It was a rat."
What does Ghoughphteightteau spell? Give it up?
Well, "gh" stands for "p" as in "hiccough"; "ough" stands for "o" as
in "dough"; "phth" stands for "t" as in "phthisis"; "eigh" stands for
"a" as in "neigh"; "tte" stands for "t" as in "gusitte," and
"eau" stands for "o" as in "beau." Put them together and you have
"P-O-T-A-T-O."
Easy, isn't it?
SPINSTERS
"Helen," said the teacher, "can you tell me what a 'myth' is?" "Yeth,
ma'am," lisped Helen; "it ith a woman that hath not got any huthband."
WILLIS--"Going to the party?"
GILLIS--"No. I haven't any lady."
WILLIS--"Come with me. I've got two extras."
GILLIS--"Who are they?"
WILLIS--"Miss Oldbud and Miss Passe."
GILLIS--"They're not extras. They're early editions."
"I'm glad Billy had the sense to marry an old maid," said grandma at
the wedding.
"Why, grandma?" asked the son.
"Well, gals is highty-tighty, and widders is kinder overrulin' and
upsettin'. But old maids is thankful and willin' to please."
CHARLES--"Girls wish they were men."
HERBERT--"Why do you say that?"
"Because spinsters like to call themselves 'bachelor girls,' but no
bachelor ever calls himself an 'old-maid man.
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