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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"

"
All came out all right in the transcription except one word, and
that word was the change from Hayti to Hades! And the letter, being
"dictated but not read," went!

"I seem to remember that girl. Who is she?"
"She was my typewriter last year."
"She's charming! Why did she leave you?"
"She was too conscientious for me. One day I proposed marriage to
her, and what do you think she did? She took all that I said down in
shorthand and brought it, nicely type-written, for me to sign!"


STOCK EXCHANGE

AUNT JANE (at the Stock Exchange)--"With seats selling at $60,000, no
wonder they are all standing up."

FOOTLIGHT--"I see another seat at the Stock Exchange has been sold for
$55,000."
Miss SUE BEETTE--"Wouldn't it be awful if the man who paid for it
found it was right behind a post!"


STRATEGY

WILLIE WILLIS--"Pa, what's strategy?"
PAPA WILLIS--"Usually darn poor judgment that happens to work out all
right."

A young lady took down the receiver and discovered that the telephone
was in use. "I just put on a pan of beans for dinner," she heard one
woman complacently informing another.
She hung up the receiver, and waited. Three times she waited, and
then, exasperated, she broke into the conversation.


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