"
"Well," grumbled the Court, "make the witness kiss the pup; we can't
adjourn court to get a new Bible."
MR. NEWLYWED--"Did you sew the button on my coat, darling?"
MRS. NEWLYWED--"No, love; I couldn't find the button, and so I just
sewed up the buttonhole."--_Judge_.
TOURIST (in village notion-store)--"Whaddya got in the shape of
automobile-tires?"
SALESLADY--"Funeral wreaths, life-preservers, invalid cushions, and
doughnuts."--_Judge_.
SUBURBS
"Pa, what is a suburb, anyhow?"
"A place which has lost the joy of the country and lacks the feverish
delight of the city."
SUBWAYS
"There's no danger in riding in these subways, is there?"
"I should say so. The last time I tried them I found myself in
Brooklyn."
FIRST SUBWAY DIRECTOR--"We may have to provide more seats."
SECOND SUBWAY DIRECTOR-"Nonsense! Simply have 'The Star-Spangled
Banner' played on all cars."--_Life_.
SUCCESS
Success in any line is no more an accident than the ball player's
batting average is a streak of luck. It is putting the right hits in
the right place and keeping the good work up--it's head work.
_He Must Dig_
He wanted a job, and, like every one else,
He wanted a good one, you know;
Where his clothes would not soil and his hands would keep clean,
And the salary must'nt be low.
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