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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


"Why is it, Sam," he said, addressing the waiter, "that poor men
usually give larger tips than rich men?"
"Well, suh," rejoined the woolly-headed knight of the napkins
meditatively, "looks to me like de po' man don't want nobody to find
out he's po' an' de rich man don't want nobody to find out he's rich."

"What's the difference between valor and discretion?"
"Well, to go to a swell restaurant without tipping the waiter would be
valor."
"I see. And discretion?"
"That would be to dine at a different restaurant the next day."


TOURISTS _See_ Travelers.


TRADE

When they beat their swords into plowshares, the next move is to beat
their competitors into foreign markets.


TRADE MARKS

Most of the wrinkles in a business man's face are trademarks.


TRADE UNIONS

TEACHER--"If a man gets four dollars for working eight hours a day,
what would he get if he worked ten hours a day?"
JOHNNY--"Ten hours a day? He'd get a call-down from de union."

"What are you doin' of, James?"
"Sharpenin' a bit o' pencil."
"You'll 'ave the Union after you, me lad. That's a carpenter's job,"


TRAMPS

TRAMP--"Madam, I was at the front--"
KIND-HEARTED LADY--"My poor man.


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