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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"



A vocation is something you do for a living, an avocation something
you do for a while, a vacation something you couldn't stick at very
long without being dead broke and dead tired.

JUDGE--"Six months!"
COS COB CON--"Ah, wot a relief! Now I kin stop worrying about where
I'm going ter spend de summer."


VALUE

There, little dollar, don't you cry;
You _may_ buy something by and by.

A Pennsylvania farmer was the owner of a good Alderney cow. A
stranger, having admired the animal, asked the farmer: "What will you
take for your cow?"
The farmer scratched his head for a moment, and then said: "Look
a-here, be you the tax assessor or has she been killed by the
railroad?"

CALLER--"It's a good thing to teach your boy the value of money, as
you are doing."
HOST--"Well, I don't know. He used to behave for ten cents, but now he
demands a quarter."

FOOTPAD--"Your money or your life!"
MRS. TIGHTLY--"That's reasonable enough, Jake! You've got only 50
cents."


VANITY

Little Beryl, aged ten, was a very pretty and intelligent girl, but
she had one fault--she was inclined to be vain. At every available
opportunity she gazed at herself complacently in the looking-glass.


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