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Stein, Gertrude, 1874-1946

"More Toasts"


Her fond papa noticed that the habit was growing upon her and took
upon himself the duty of correcting it.
"Why do you always look in the glass?" he asked.
"I was just thinking how nice I looked," answered Beryl.
"You mustn't be so vain, child. Remember we are all as nature made
us."
"Did nature make you, papa?"
"Yes."
"Then," said Beryl, looking at him and then at her reflection in the
mirror, "don't you think nature is turning out better work than she
used to?"


VEGETARIANS

"Ever bothered with tramps out your way?"
"No; I have a sign on the gate reading: 'We are vegetarians, but our
dog isn't.'"

Ordering a copy of Tennyson's poems, a customer wrote to an English
bookseller, "Please do not send me one bound in calf, as I am a
vegetarian."

Mother gave the children an apple each. In little Marion's there was a
worm hole that obviously had a tenant. "You take this one, Tommy," she
said; "I'se a vegetarian."


VENTILATION

American people have a very high appreciation of the humor of
Englishmen, and have been specially tickled by a story Colonel Cody
used to tell. He said that some years ago an Englishman who had never
been in the West before was his guest.


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