The building was burnt; I made my claim
And the Man of Insurance duly came.
Said he, "Always
Our Company pays
Without any fuss or grouse;
But your home was rotted from drains to flues;
I therefore offer you as your dues
Seven hundred pounds or, if you choose,
A better and brighter house."
I took the money; I need not say
What abuse I hurled at his head that day;
But, when he began in his artful way
To talk of Insurance (Life),
And asked me to take out a policy for
My conjugal partner, my _cordium cor_,
"No, no," said I,
"If my spouse should die
We should enter again into strife;
You would come and say at the funeral, 'Sir,
Your wife was peevish and plain; for her
I offer six hundred or, if you prefer,
A better and brighter wife.'"
* * * * *
THE HAPPY GARDENER.
(_Extracts from a Synthetic Diary a la mode._)
_November 11th._--Now is the time to plant salsify, or the vegetable
oyster, as it has been aptly named from its crustacean flavour so
dear to herbaceous boarders. This may be still further accentuated
by planting it in soil containing lime, chalk or other calcareous or
sebaceous deposits.
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