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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut"

Didn't you think the thoughts I have just
mentioned?"
"If I didn't, I wish I may never breathe again! Look here, friend--look
me in the eye. Who are you?"
"Well, who do you think?"
"I think you are Satan himself. I think you are the devil."
"No."
"No? Then who can you be?"
"Would you really like to know?"
"Indeed I would."
"Well, I am your Conscience!"
In an instant I was in a blaze of joy and exultation. I sprang at the
creature, roaring:
"Curse you, I have wished a hundred million times that you were tangible,
and that I could get my hands on your throat once! Oh, but I will wreak
a deadly vengeance on--"
Folly! Lightning does not move more quickly than my Conscience did!
He darted aloft so suddenly that in the moment my fingers clutched the
empty air he was already perched on the top of the high bookcase, with
his thumb at his nose in token of derision. I flung the poker at him,
and missed. I fired the bootjack. In a blind rage I flew from place to
place, and snatched and hurled any missile that came handy; the storm of
books, inkstands, and chunks of coal gloomed the air and beat about the
manikin's perch relentlessly, but all to no purpose; the nimble figure
dodged every shot; and not only that, but burst into a cackle of
sarcastic and triumphant laughter as I sat down exhausted.


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